Random Rants from Aroot the Rhapsodist

I'm Back! With Avengence... but I don 't know who I'm angry with

2006-09-26T04:00:00.000-07:00

That's right... I'm back!

I've found a way to keep the internet full of all my crap! Yay! aren't you so glad?

I'm full of new ideas this time around, and I'll keep you all posted on such great ones as...

1. my idea for a website... I just have to figure out how to build it (hmmm...)

2. my idea for a movie... I just have to figure out what I can and can't shoot (hmmm...)

3. and my idea for making absurd lists such as this one... well, I've got that one down pretty well.

So I'll leave you with this for now and hopefully keep you posted as needed.

An old man lived alone in Idaho. He wanted to spade his potato garden, but it was very hard work. His only son, Bubba, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament.

Dear Bubba:
I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won't be able to plant my potato garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. If you were here, all my troubles would be over. I know you would dig the plot for me.

Love, Dad

A few days later, he received a letter from his son.

Dear Dad:
For heaven's sake, Dad, don't dig up that garden. That's where I buried the BODIES.
Love, Bubba

At 4 a.m. the next morning, FBI agents and local Police showed up and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left.
That same day, the old man received another letter from his son.

Dear Dad:
Go ahead and plant the potatoes now. It's the best I could do under the circumstances.
Love, Bubba

This might be my last blog entry for a while... or ever...

2006-05-12T07:10:00.000-07:00

Well, this is it folks. This could very well be my last blog entry for... well, ever. To honor such an occasion, I've decided to dedicate this entry to saying 'goodbye' Enjoy!

Saying good-bye can be painful, but the pain is intensified if the process is entered with the illusion that moments after saying good-bye, your loved one will immediately die.
Source: www.hospicenet.org

Advice I've gotten thus far:

1. "Look, Root... I don't care if you fu***ng hate them all... don't burn your bridges behind you. Because if you do, you won't be able to get home"

2. "don't drop the soap"

3. "Promise me you won't die" (the funny thing is... I think she was serious!)

4. "I won't give you a choice... you're comming home!"

5. "yeah, saying goodbye is hard, but it's better than a 'Dear John' letter in basic..."

6. "you'll never be the same man ever again... aren't you excited?"

*The pain is too strong right now and the tears are still lingering on my face. That is why I think it is best that I just go*
*Heartbreak happens to the best of us, we can't hide from it and we can't deny it so just accept it, no matter how hard it is and no matter how much it hurts*
*Why does it take a minute to say hello and forever to say goodbye?*

Goodbye My Friends. Remain Semper Fidelis and always remeber that: "Never knows best, but you can".

"Hello, yeah it's been awhile. Not much, how 'bout you?"

2006-05-03T10:51:00.000-07:00

A line taken from some song I can't remember. It fits what just happened not only 30 minutes ago.

Amanda saw me walking in the hall and, this time, she actually stopped and said "hi". We hadn't even taken five steps together before she started to cry. It was all I could do not to actually follow through with my plan to thouroughly say 'goodbye' to her. Actually, it was I who had problems saying it.

we walked around the second story of the MATC campus truax building for one round, then we went downstairs to the cafeteria to sit down.

we talked for about 50 minutes. we established, many times over that I "can do it" and that I was excited/anxious/scared. I couldn't stop looking at her, and I wanted to but couldn't say goodbye. she barely looked at me, and she kept biting her lip as she has a habbit of doing when she has things to hold back.

I wanted to say goodbye. I wanted to end it all, to leave her and never look back. why couldn't I? I know she has more to say, I know that I still have to hurt her once more before I leave in a week, and still.... I don't want to.

It would've been that at times like this, I would turn to Amanda and ask her what to do... but now... How do I tell her that I still love her? that I'll never see her again? how do I ask for forgivness despite the fact that I promised myself that whatever happens between us isn't automatically my fault? If not from her, then where does the courage come to say goodbye?

There was a time in my life I would have died trying to keep Amanda happy. I still love her, and always will, but our relationship will never be that way again.
Now, all I want is to become a hard corps killer. In order to do that, I have to let go of my life and everything in it. But I just can't let go of her...

I don't want to...

How sad that, already, she has become nothing more to me than a fond memory.

Amanda,
I will always remember to good times we shared. I will always cherish the laughter and the friendship we had. I don't want to speak these words, because I don't want to make things any worse.

Goodbye Amanda....

Woo-Hoo! The Big 5-0!!!!!

2006-05-02T09:38:00.000-07:00

That's Right! this is my 50th blog entry since opening RRfAtR, Inc. and to celebrate I thought I'd hold a contest. Then I realized that I have nothing to give away, so I decided against the idea of a contest. anyway... Here's what's new:

1. I shaved my head last night, so now I'm completely bald. I'm not entirely sure why I did it, but in retrospect I suppose if the Marines are going to try to dehumanize me, I wanted the chance to do it to myself first.

2. I just recently(five minutes ago) recieved a phone call from someone using some sort of telephone relay system, and it was really creepy. they said they were Jack the Ripper and that they knew where I lived. I think I'll find out who they are and kick their ass.

3. I've got less than 2 weeks left before I ship out, and I still have to tie up a few things. If anyone wants a free blog... Maybe I'll give it to my brother John.

Well, that's all for now... See you later (or maybe not... we'll see)

Saying "Goodbye" is tough

2006-04-29T06:31:00.000-07:00

It's one thing to have to say goodbye to someone you care about, what makes it all the more difficult is knowing that moment is comming and having to say hello once more before then. All things considered, I think saying goodbye to a few people could be... good in a sense.

On the one hand, I'll be made into a HARD CORPS killer and I won't want or even need the love of others. On the other hand, I'm still human (for the time being) and I do long for something more out of my relationships. It's at times like this that I remember my one particular entry, when things seemed to hit rock bottom. I only wonder why now, I feel as if I am incapable of having a successful relationship of any kind.

Still, I keep myself occupied with thoughts of my beloved Corps. I've writen a motto to live by, a motto for all those men who call themselves HARD CORPS:

"To Live fearlessly

To Kill mercilessly

To Die Passionatly

I am Hard Corps!"

Ah, such joy...

Weeks left to go, stuff left to do...

2006-04-26T17:16:00.000-07:00

I've got less then 2 weeks left before I leave! I know, I know, you're all disapointed and so sad to see me leave... (sigh) oh well. tough shit. hahahaha...

anyway, I've still got tons of stuff to do. Yes, I did measure it and my workload does weigh a ton.

I have two more people to meet with and say my goodbyes.

I must complete a semester's worth of classes

I absolutely, positively, have to get into shape!

I have to finish packing my room

I have to reach a goal of having blogged at least 50 times before I leave

and I have to finish a meaningless list

Oh well, I'll think of something cool to write next time... promise!

Officer: Solder, do you have change for a dollar?
Solider: Sure, buddy.
Officer: That's no way to address an officer! Now let's try it again, Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?
Solider: No, SIR!

I got a new haircut!

2006-04-10T12:23:00.000-07:00

I couldn't get a decent picture, but... I'm gonna be a jarhead! Yee-Haw! Whoo-Hoo! and Huzzah!

well, that's about the only new thing I've done recently.

man, this getting to be lame....

Man, I'm sore... and I'm countin' down the days...

2006-04-02T09:06:00.000-07:00

my entire body aches! I've been running myself ragged, and now I've got less than six weeks till I ship out! AAAAHH I'm in a panic and I don't know what to do!

(sigh)

well, I'll keep you posted as things happen...

Maybe I'll buy one of those "work-out" chairs...

2006-03-31T07:34:00.000-08:00

So here I am, six weeks prior to shipping out for basic training, and I can't do 44 crunches! Damn my weak abdominal muscles!

there are three things I need to be able to do before shipping out:

2 dead hang pull ups - I can do 2
Run 1.5 miles in 13.5 minutes - I can do it in 12
44 "military" crunches in 2 minutes - I can do 5

so maybe I need to buy one of those "work-out" chairs. or maybe I'll just start working on my abs every single day.

(sigh)

Oh yeah, and I locked my keys in my car on wed. night (again). last time I did that I chose to punch out one of my windows to get back in. This time however, my GSGT(Gunnery Sargent) broke into my car for me with a clothes hanger.

yesterday I was walking down the street wearing my eyeglasses and all of a sudden my prescription ran out. - Steven Wright

Being yelled at is all fun and games, this...

2006-03-29T07:26:00.000-08:00

This was just hell! although it was fun!

Last friday I had a family night pool function at the marine reserve center in madison. The sgt's from the office thought it would be a good idea to bring in 3 drill instructors from camp pendleton to "teach" us a few "lessons".

we met senior drill instructor SSGT Sykes, his junior drill instructor and one more female from Parris Island. They yelled, very much so.

I'm not sure I'll have too much fun in boot camp, I'm nervous, I'm scared, but I'm also excited. I've been studying my general orders and I have my first six memorized (that'll help).

(sigh) I also have to prepare to go to Nationals for a marketing competition for my organization. I'll be representing Wisconsin, so here's hoping I bring home a big trophy!

"Extend your arm to 45 degrees then raise it to 90 degrees..."

2006-03-24T06:55:00.000-08:00

Those words started my career in the Marine Corps. From here I ship out for boot camp in mid-may, then I come home for 10 days leave(at my own expense), then it's off to camp again for combat training, and finaly off to Maryland for technical training. here's a poem I found that really inspired me yesterday...

"The USMC is over 222 years of romping, stomping, hell, death and destruction. The finest fighting machine the world has ever seen. We were born in a bomb crater, our Mother was an M-16, and our Father was the Devil. Each moment that I live is an additional threat upon your life. I am a rough looking, roving soldier of the sea. I am cocky, self-centered, overbearing, and do not know the meaning of fear, for I am fear itself. I am a green amphibious monster, made of blood and guts, who arose from the sea, feasting on anti-Americans throughout the globe. Whenever it may arise, and when my time comes, I will die a glorious death on the battlefield, giving my life for Mom, the Corps, and the American Flag. We stole the eagle from the Air Force, the anchor from the Navy, and the rope from the Army. On the 7th day, while God rested, we over-ran his perimeter and stole the globe, and we've been running the show ever since. We live like soldiers and talk like sailors and slap the Hell out of both of them. Soldier by day, lover by night, drunkard by choice,
MARINE BY GOD!!! OORAH!!!"

I really liked this poem, and after searching on the internet for hours I was able to find tons of poems, lymerics, hymms, songs, and all around inspirational messeges for Marines. Tonight my mother and I will be attending "Family Night" at the Marine Corps Reserve center and I'll get a mini-boot camp with drill instructors from San Diego (where I'm going). I'll let you know how that goes, for now I have to go to school and study my General Orders.

and here's a joke:

A Texan, trying to impress a Bostonian with tales about the heroes of the Alamo, said, "I'll bet you never had anyone so brave around Boston."
"Ever hear of Paul Revere?" asked the Bostonian.
"Paul Revere?" said the Texan. "Isn't he the guy who ran for help?"

I got the job I wanted!!!

2006-03-22T10:10:00.000-08:00

Despite Tristan's numerous attempts to sway me, I've made my decision based on the fact that I've signed up for my own job, the job I wanted... a Media Specialist! Yay! so I'm going to Milwaukee tommarow to take my oath and swear in. (sigh) I'm gonna miss you guys... anyone want a blog? I'll see if Tristan's interested in taking my blog.

Oh well, I'll let you know how it all works out in the end...

A clean bill of health, and no one did my chores for me....

2006-03-18T07:29:00.000-08:00

So I got a clean bill of health yesterday in Millwaukee. As a matter of fact, they not only said I was healthy, they cleared me! yay! So if all goes well, I'll be signing up on thursday! Oh, I'm so excited, but no one did my chores for me while I was gone. I came home and no one had taken back the garbage cans, or folded laundry, or cleaned my room for me....

Oh well...

The Top 5 Stories in the Flying Spaghetti Monster Bible

Moses wanders in the desert for 40 years, earning the reputation of worst pizza-delivery guy EVER.
The angel Gabriel announces the coming birth of the savior to a bottle of extra virgin olive oil.
Pontius Pilate orders the Flying Spaghetti Monster thrown against a wall to see if he sticks.
Adam and Eve order the apple pie and are kicked out of the Olive Garden.
At the last spaghetti supper, His Holy Noodleness is betrayed by disciple Atkins Lowcarbiot.

WOW, it has been a long time....

2006-03-13T09:45:00.000-08:00

well, unfortunately not much has been up with me.

I just got back (on sunday) from a marketing competition for Delta Epsilon Chi/WMMA which is the college division of DECA. I competed in the Hospitality Management field and took home four plaques for my performance (more than anyone else in my chapter!) I took 2nd in the written exam, 3rd in both roleplay's, and 3rd overall performance. Not bad, but I've got a lot more work to do before National's in late april. I also met a ton of new people, I networked as they call it. I had a great time and I hope I do well at the national level. not to mention, I look DAMN good in my suit. which reminds me, I'll need (most likely) two more before april.

oh, well... I just got back from the gym, so I'll leave you all with a joke and call it a day:

An Australian, an American and an Irishman are in a gameshow and the host says, can you complete the phrase "Old Mcdonald had a ..."
"Ranch" yelled the American.
"No that is not right" said the host
"Station" yelled the Australian
"No that is not right" said the host
"Farm" yelled the Irishman
"Yes" said the host. "Now can you spell it?"
"E I E I O" said the Irishman.

I don't look good today.... I look DAMN good!

2006-02-27T07:37:00.000-08:00

Yes, as I mentioned earlier I look DAMN good today. For this day, the day I show off my new suit, is the one day this entire semester that I will look "Damn good".

I bought a new suit to look good in shortly after I arranged to participate in a competition of the marketing sense (see previous posts).

On the one hand, I look good. On the other hand, I feel I may look too good. yeah, I'm dashing, suave, and all around great looking, but few other men around me are dressing in such a fashion. So while I admire and love the looks I recieve from women, other men have been looking at me with a certain sense of jelousy and discontent.

Hmm....

In other news:

This is interesting

and on that note:

The Top 5 Signs the Bush AdministrationWants to Kill You

You receive an official White House invitation to go hunting with Richard Clark, Paul O'Neil, Michael Moore, Saddam Hussein, Hillary Clinton, Ruth Bader Ginsberg, Osama bin Laden and Dick Cheney.

During this week's special live episode of "24," you watch stunned as Jack Bauer creeps around outside your house.

You awaken to find the severed head of Hillary Clinton in your bed.

Your unit gets recalled for active duty in Iraq -- and man, the army sure has changed since you took part in the invasion of Normandy.

and the Number 1 Sign the Bush Administration Wants to Kill You...

You've just been appointed the new ambassador to Kissyourassgoodbyeistan.

A congressman is a person who doesn't know where he's going
And yet, he wants the rest of us to follow him.

God damn wash machine....

2006-02-22T07:15:00.000-08:00

(sigh)

I had a meme thing all writen out, and ready to post. Then, in classic wash machine style... my wash machine tore it to pieces. Oh well, here's my meme thing as best I can remember it...

6 classes I'd rather be taking in school
1. disco naps 101
2. intro to being a multi-billionaire
3. Advanced money spending
4. Advanced deconstructionism
5. remedial english ( I could totally ace that!)
6. Actually, I hate school

6 names I think I'd rather have
1. Joseph Mckenna (my pen name)
2. sunshine
3. Tex Mcgraw
4. Baron Von Moneybags
5. He-Man, Master of the Universe
6. 'His Royal Highness'

6 things I'd never eat
1. frog legs
2. liver
3. my own arm (or any part of my own body)
4. sun dried tomatoes
5. anything ending in "-ish"
6. dog crap

6 things I hate to laugh at
1. Football in the groin
2. people getting their come-uppins
3. the art on display
4. the people who actually appreciate the art on display
5. Jokes at other people's expenses
6. people with funny faces

6 things I love to laugh at
1. Football in the groin
2. people getting their come-uppins
3. the art on display
4. the people who actually appreciate the art on display
5. The Boondocks (I love that show!)
6. People with funny faces

6 meme topics I'd rather write about
1. who would win in a fight - Jesus or Mohamed?
2. 10 things I hate about you, and everyone else for that matter
3. 12 steps to taking a two step program
4. 8 places I've been that I'll never return to
5. (*#&^%$#@*&^) and other fun words to say
6. Do you really care what I'd rather have?

The Top 5 Least Popular Philosophical Questions (Part I)
If a monk, living in a monastery, takes a vow of silence, then talks in his sleep, has he broken his vow of silence? If so, who is going to tell on him?
If a man speaks in a forest and there is no woman to hear him, is he still wrong?
If a thing of beauty is a joy forever, why does ugly seem to last so much longer?
How many angels can writhe in tortured agony skewered on the pointy end of a pin?
If Mike Tyson bites off Jesus' ear in a fight, is it a foul or a sacrament?

Just thought I'd let you know I'm alive

2006-02-20T09:03:00.000-08:00

yep, still alive...

On Wed. I'll post some funny stories, just give me some time. In the meantime, check this out:

The Top 5 Signs Your Librarian Is Nuts
No matter what book you ask for, she hands you a piece of toast and a Q-tip.
Uses the "Dewar's Decimal System," which involves regular belts of scotch.
Instead of a simple "Shhhh," uses a bullhorn to say, "One more sound and I cap yo' ass!"
Flashes patrons and yells, "Hey! Check *this* out!"
Leans over to whisper something and bites off half your right ear.

I hear Voices... and they ROCK!!!!

2006-02-15T07:48:00.000-08:00

That's right folks, yesterday was a wonderful day. Not like that stupid Hallmark Holiday Valentine's Day. No, yesterday was the release date for Matchbook Romance's new Album Voices

Personally, on a scale of 1-10 I thought maybe this album was a 7. I (personally) rated their last album Stories and Alibis an 8. This one seems more focused on the musical beats rather than the lyrics, which is something I admired about the first album being the opposite.
I'm sure I'll grow to like it eventually... but in the mean time, check out that logo! I want a hoodie with their logo on it! yay!

Oh well, I should go for a walk... here's a joke:

The scene is sometime in the old era when cockpits had round dials plus flight engineers and navigators. The crusty old-timer captain is breaking in a brand new navigator.
The captain opens his briefcase, pulls out a .38 and rests it on the glare panel. He asks the navigator, "Know what this is for?"
"No, sir," replies the newbie.
"I use it on navigators that get us lost," explains the captain, winking at his first officer.
The navigator then opens his briefcase, pulls out a .45 an sets it on his chart table.
"What's THAT for?" queries the surprised captain.
"Well, sir," replies the navigator, "I'll know we're lost before you will."

Even if it is an "accident", isn't it still manslaughter?

2006-02-13T07:48:00.000-08:00

Only in America can our president get away with murdering countless innocent people while his second in command(Dick Cheney) gets away with manslaughter. (sigh) I love America...

And I guess I was wrong. Technically it wasn't manslaughter because the lawyer he shot didn't die, but had he died... yes it would have been. oh well, it looks like the already millionaire lawyer he shot will be getting an especially large tax rebate this year!

In other news:

Hussein throws tantrum on return to court
(it seems like something I'd do...)

Cool Things About Having A Beer Belly:
* You're less likely to be pestered by annoying sorority girls.
* It doubles as a convenient TV tray for nachos and beer.
* It's a great way to meet cute female cardiologists.
* Extra gravity makes it that much less likely you'll ever be thrown free of the earth into deep space.
* Your bellybutton can store up to eight quarters for the parking meter.

A state competition!!!

2006-02-08T07:37:00.000-08:00

I've always been a big guy, but now I have my own sport...

Competitive marketing simulations! and sumo wrestleing.
Yes it's true, yesterday I joined the MATC's marketing club. in my own opinion, it was the only club I ever truly excelled in. (Aside from my own stint as SPHS Go club co-founder and first president. But I never felt I had truly accomplished anything worth really gloating about.)

As many of you (the whole 1 people who ever really read this) know SP's marketing competition was a disaster for your's truly. I still don't have the gaul to repeat the details of what horrific attrocities I commited, but hopefully this competition will be a shot at redemption. hopefully.

In other news...
Tristan says I may be getting an interview with his boss at FedEx. hmm..... do I really want that job? it would mean $10/hour, but I would loose the flexability of the already awesome managers from shopko. DAMN YOU SOCIAL STANDARDS DICTATING HOW MUCH MONEY I SHOULD HAVE!!!!!! If I didn't need the money this would be an easy question, alas... money rules my life for another day.

I've also broken 230lbs! I weighed in yesterday at 228.6lbs which is actually 2lbs heavier than five days ago, but still... that puts me within 10lbs of my short term goal! YAY!

And finaly, last night was the second consecutive night I've had a "wierd" dream. The first was me explaining to my mother that I didn't like the Disney corporation because they were essentially Lockheed Martin. The second was that my brother Eric was hospitalized, but wasn't sick in anyway... hmm. I wonder what they mean?

A lady from Chicago was visiting New York City. Her hostess was determined to make the Midwesterner feel cheap and unimportant.
"My dear," said the New York matron snobbishly, "here in the East we think breeding is everything."
"Oh, I don't know," the lady from the Midwest replied. "Out where I come from we think it's fun, too, but we try to have a few outside interests as well."

Another Year?!

2006-02-03T07:26:00.000-08:00

What?! No Way! What'ja, But'tha, I'ma... I mean C'mon! Really! I have to have my braces on for another year! RAAAAAAAAH I'm Pissed! (sigh)

perhaps this is a blessing in disguise. I've heard I should go into the marines with some education, a degree if possible. In the next few days I need to decide what I'm going to do with the next year of my life.
Here's my plan:

I can join the Marines' Delayed Entry program, which basically gives me a year to get my s**t together. I'll use the time to get my teeth to a point where my orthodonist (a former naval officer) says the military will be able to implant the fake teeth he says I need. I'll also use the time to (hopefully) get a small business technical degree from MATC, and get into the best damn physical shape of my life!

(crosses fingers) here's hopin'!

Also: Props to Nick Wienland for (finally) getting into OSU! Whoo! Yeah! Alright! Go Badgers! I mean Buckeyes! Buckeyes! yeah, the Buckeyes!

I got a new shadow. I had to get rid of the other one . . . It wasn't doing what I was doing.

I was once walking through the forest alone. A tree fell right in front of me--and I didn't hear it.

I wrote a song, but I can't read music so I don't know what it is. Every once in a while I'll be

listening to the radio and I say, "I think I might have written that."

He asked me if I knew what time it was. I said, "Yes, but not right now."

I put tape on the mirrors in my house so I don't accidentally walk through into another dimension.

I thought it was time to start a new project

2006-02-01T09:53:00.000-08:00

And if you're reading this, you're automatically obligated to be a part of it. "What is it?" you ask... a book, of stories that people have written. I call it The Stories We Tell a collective consciousness of life's meaning. I figure everyone's got at least one story they can share with the world, why not try to put them into writing. I've got the first story put in there about that time Tristan and I skipped town the last week of school senior year. that was a good story to tell.

During a children's sermon the pastor asked the children what "Amen" means.

A little boy raised his hand and said: "It means --- tha-tha-tha-that's all, folks!"

How many times does it take you to put together a grill?

2006-01-29T07:42:00.000-08:00

Awww, poor Menchi... MMMMM.... Menchi Dogs....

(pause) Anyway!

Yesterday I was called in to work five hours ahead of schedule to put some grills together for the upcomming spring/summer/grilling season. It took me four hours to put together one grill! of course I was also answering customer service calls, helping customers, and I put the legs togther incorrectly three seperate times! oh well, at least I was puting the right grill together in the first place. that's more than I can say for my co-worker Nick. still, I can't help but wonder if everyone who buys a grill has to suffer through the same hardships. I doubt it, most people who would buy a grill most likely aren't assembling it in the middle of a crowded department store.

I also discovered that Troy, the enlisted marine I work with, isn't mad at me for mis-quoting him to a marine recruiter. fortunatley for me, Troy is a smooth talker and was able to fix the problem. Hooray!

Here This is good for a chuckle...

The Top 5 Favorite Songs of the Bush Administration

Doctor My Lies

Help Me, Condi

A Whiter Shade of Male

Love Me Two Terms

Here Comes the Son

(Sigh)

2006-01-25T08:10:00.000-08:00

Ok... so it's my birthday. I feel about as old as this woman looks. I'm tired of the constant disapointment that dogs my life relentlessly. All I've ever wanted for myself is to be a self-made man. I really don't care what I do with my life so long as I'm the one who chooses to do it. I truly, honestly, feel like shit today. I'm not completely sure why, I just feel depressed. I don't have any real reason to celebrate anything. On the contrary, if I didn't have class in fifteen minutes I could spend all day here complaining about the past year of my life. but if by some miracle you've come here to see what I've writen you don't want to hear my complain. Here's a joke and a riddle.

preacher: "How come I never see you in church anymore, Morris?"
Morris: "There are too many hypocrites there, Reverend."
Preacher: "Don't worry, Morris; there's always room for one more."

NotPron

Kids Keep Gettin' Busy!

2006-01-23T16:10:00.000-08:00

I was completly disgusted last night when I heard something! It really pissed me off! unfortunatly I promised someone I wouldn't say anything...tough shit Internet!

Oh well...

Right now, I'm sitting in my Marketing Computer Applications class. My teacher has spent the past 35 minutes explaining to us why she will/won't count tardiness against us. blah, blah, blah... well, it seems easy enough. phhht!

when I was in Phoenix, my good friend Barclay had been listening to the morning radio station where they'd asked people to call in and tell them what they *didn't* like about the opposite sex.

One fella called in saying he didn't like women that placed their elbows on the table. That call got another lady mad enough to call in and say, "Well, if he wasn't so damned boring, we wouldn't have to put our heads in our hands to keep from falling asleep."

Another guy called in to complain about women's hairy armpits. He said, "If a lady looks like she has Chewbacca in a headlock, I want no part of it . . . "

It's like an olive branch of peace... a burning olive brance of peace

2006-01-20T07:44:00.000-08:00

As I'm sure anyone who reads this knows...

U.S. rejects bin Laden tape's 'truce' offer
CIA: Voice warning Americans believed to be al Qaeda leader's

(CNN) -- A CIA official believes an audiotaped message threatening the United States is from al Qaeda leader Osama bin Laden, who warns that plans for terror attacks are under way -- and also offers a "long-term truce."
"The war against America and its allies will not be confined to Iraq," the voice on the tape said, adding that "Iraq has become a magnet for attracting and training talented fighters."

"So it's like an olive branch of peace, a burning olive branch of peace" - Jon Stewart(The Daily Show)

In other news...

I read this morning in one of my Bathroom Reader Books, that of all the people that have ever lived, only 5-10% are alive right now. interesting...

In the middle of the night the phone rings.
Judi: 'Hello ?'
Jon: 'Hello! Is this phone-number eleven eleven ?'
Judi: 'No, this is phone-number one one one one'.
Jon: 'Oh, I'm sorry I woke you up.'
Judi: 'No problem, the phone rang, so I had to get out of bed anyway.'

"And Scooby Dooby doo Yah!"

2006-01-19T05:45:00.000-08:00

Those are the words that won me four tickets to the madison boat show next weekend. I knew the answer to the What's my next line question on 94.9WOLX, the answer: "and scooby dooby doo yah". So, looks like I'll be going to a boat show next weekend! Hoorah!
See you next time

Grandpa and granddaughter were sitting talking when she asked, "Did God make you, Grandpa?"

"Yes, God made me," the grandfather answered.
A few minutes later, the little girl asked him, "Did God make me too?"

"Yes, He did," the older man answered.
For a few minutes, the little girl seemed to be studying her grandpa, as well as her own reflection in the mirror, while her grandfather wondered what was running through her mind.

At last she spoke up. "You know, Grandpa," she said, "God's doing a lot better job lately."

Hopefully I'll be blogging more often this semester...

2006-01-18T09:51:00.000-08:00

Apparently, this is what "Blogging" looks like------->

So, as per my schedule allows, I'll be out of the house for five days/week at school with internet access. Now I'm sure everyone is happy to hear this, so now that I've got your attention I'll use it.

MORGANTOWN, West Virginia (CNN) --
More than two weeks after surviving a West Virginia coal mine explosion and 40 hours trapped underground, Randal McCloy is awakening from his coma, his neurosurgeon said on Wednesday.
"He is opening his eyes," said Dr. Julian Bailes, chairman of neurosurgery at Ruby Memorial Hospital in Morgantown. "He has purposeful movements. He responds to his family in slight ways. He moves all extremities."
Bailes said McCloy remains in a "light coma."
Asked how McCloy could have survived so long in the mine, his physician Larry Roberts said, "I think it may start with a miracle."
----> Great, now physicians are claiming people are being healed with "miracles"

FAT PEOPLE GOOD FOR UNIVERSE
They counterbalance the effects of the rapidly fading gravitational field that is tearing us apart! HOUSTON, Texas -- Most medical doctors agree about the risks to our health posed by obesity. They say the pounds must go if we want to survive. However, a leading physicist now says that obesity may be a good thing.

---->Wow...

Todays Joke:

A man asked his wife if she wanted another child. She told him absolutely not because they had four children already.
He asked why they couldn't have another and she told him that she had read in a magazine that every fifth baby born was Chinese.

Wow, it's been a week already?

2006-01-17T10:53:00.000-08:00

Well,I apologize about the picture this time but i can't get it to be any smaller... or stay in place... (sigh) oh well... Anyway, here's what's new:

School
Today is the first day of second semester for me, and although I only have one class today (and thursday) I may just actually attend my classes this semester! yay! I just hope BN isn't here... (shudder)

Physique
Yesterday I weighed in at 236.4 lbs I found out that I can do 20 push ups, at least 100 "crunches" and I can run a 1.5 miles in 13.5 minutes. I'm really happy that I'm doing this for myself, and the best part is... I'm only 15 lbs away from meating my goal of 221 lbs. Yay!

the other day, I got to play with M16A4 Rifles! well, I wasn't really playing with them but I attended a pool function at the Marine reserve center where I disassembled and re-assembled an M16A4 assult riffle! it was fun!

A minister, having served the same church for many years, decided to leave and take a similar position in another church. Without telling anyone he had made this decision or writing a letter to the congregation, he waited until Sunday morning to announce his resignation in church. When he spoke to the congregation he said, "The same Jesus that called me to this church many years ago has now called upon me to leave and serve another church."

The choir all stood and sang, "What a Friend We Have in Jesus."

Something Cool

I'm giving some serious thought to becoming a Marine

2006-01-10T09:32:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I met with Sgt. Hutchinson in Madison and I've decided I might want to become a marine. I will have to overcome various obstacles before I can enlist, but this is something I think would be good for me. And that's really the most interesting thing that's happened to me since I last blogged. School starts a week from today, and it may just be my last semester in Madison.

A woman brought an old picture of her dead husband, wearing a hat, to the photographer. She wanted to know if the photographer could remove the hat from the picture. He convinced her he could easily do that, and asked her what side of his head he parted his hair on.

"I forgot," she said. "But you can see that for yourself when you take off his hat."

I want Denny's Job!

2006-01-05T07:59:00.000-08:00

I want Denny's Job! that bastard hasn't gone to work at all this week because he says he's got gout. somehow he still manages to get a full paycheck because his boss believes he's actually sick! Bah! I want his job because he gets paid for having gout.

Anyway...

Here's something for John:

MONSTER

and for everyone else:

A man walked into a psychiatrists office with a banna up his nose.
"what's wrong with me doc?" he asked
the doctor replied: "you're not eating properly"

WHEN DID MY LIFE BECOME SUCH FUCKING HELL-HOLE?!!!!!

2005-12-19T14:39:00.000-08:00

Current Mood: FUCKING PISSED!!!!!
The sky is: cradling a suprisingly beautiful sunset, but still cold

Why the hell do bad things happen? what did I do? Why can't I seem to follow my dreams like other people? All I want is the freedom to at least try to follow my dreams. why can't I do that? is that too much to ask for? Just the ability to try to make it big... that's all I want. Just the chance to try to go to college, get an education, and do whatever the hell I want to do. Is that really too much to ask for? really?

I have braces on my teeth, and although the orthodonist work has been paid for I still need two more surgeries which haven't been paid for. I don't have dental insurance and in order to stay on my parents insurance I need to remain a full-time student. I FUCKING HATE ATTENDING MADISON AREA TECHNICAL COLLEGE!!!!! I hate it here! I hate it! i hate it! i fucking hate it! but it's the only school i can afford to attend. I want to go to Madison Media Institute, but I can't pay $5000/semester. I can't get a loan without a co-borrower and my mother and step-dad are literaly bankrupt.

I just got off the phone with my father whom I haven't spoken with in over a year. he said he wouldn't co-sign either.

WHEN DID MY LIFE BECOME SUCH A FUCKING HELL-HOLE?

It's just to hot to wear clothes today," said Jack as he stepped out of the shower. "Honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?"
"Probably that I married you for your money."

Money makes the world go around....

2005-12-14T08:14:00.000-08:00

Current mood: a triffle upset
The sky is: crapping all over my day!

Maybe that's why i'm not doing anything with my life... I have no money! and I don't mean like: "I work at WAL-MART and make no money" I mean I've got like no money... and I want some... Please?...

In other news...

New Video Game Designed To Have No Influence On Kids' Behavior

NEW YORK— Electronic-entertainment giant Take-Two Interactive, parent company of Grand Theft Auto series creator Rockstar Games, released Stacker Tuesday, a first-person vertical-crate-arranger guaranteed not to influence young people's behavior in any way.
"With Stacker, the player interacts with an environment full of boxes—lightweight, uniformly brown boxes with rounded corners—and uses diligence and repetitive hard work to complete his mission," said Doug Benzies, Stacker's chief developer. "We're confident that the new 'reluctantly interactive' content engine we designed will prevent any excitement or emotional involvement, inappropriate or otherwise, on the part of the player."

Activist Judge Cancels Christmas

WASHINGTON, DC—In a sudden and unexpected blow to the Americans working to protect the holiday, liberal U.S. 9th Circuit Court of Appeals Judge Stephen Reinhardt ruled the private celebration of Christmas unconstitutional Monday.
Per the court order, city workers take down the Christmas tree from New York's Rockefeller Plaza.
"In accordance with my activist agenda to secularize the nation, this court finds Christmas to be unlawful," Judge Reinhardt said. "The celebration of the birth of the philosopher Jesus—be it in the form of gift-giving, the singing of carols, fanciful decorations, or general good cheer and warm feelings amongst families—is in violation of the First Amendment principles upon which this great nation was founded."

The Top 5 Things on Michael Jackson's To-Do List

1.Cancel subscriptions to Highlights and Boys' Life.
2.Stop referring to children's hospital visits as "speed-dating."
3.Celebrate with my old Irish chum, Ryne O'Plasty.
4.Vow to never stop searching until I find my *real* nose.
5.Give Macaulay Culkin that kickass Hummer I promised him for testifying on my behalf. And maybe an SUV, too.

"So Mark and I decided not to spend more than $300.00 on each other..."

2005-12-12T16:45:00.000-08:00

Current Mood: Upset, for no real reason
The Sky Is: Dark, and cloudy

What? Wah? Huh? What-the? Why?
I overheard this one girl in the hall say that her and mark decided not to spend more than $300.00 on each other. I can only assume she meant spending in regards to christmas because I'm ignorant an unwilling to accept other ideas. But still, if you can afford to spend $300.00 on Anyone for x-mas, you shouldn't be attending MATC. I mean, I don't mind being poor, yeah occasionally it does get to me but i can accept it. What really upsets me is when wealthier people flaunt their wealth, especially in public. Humbug....

Anyway, I've got to go find horrible pictures and video clips of societies downfall on the internet.

Hey! I found this here

The Top 5 Drill Sergeant Pick-Up Lines
"You'll only have to give me one pushup, soldier, if it's your bra."
"Your perfume reminds me of napalm in the morning."
"Drop and give me 20 -- on my lap."
"Wanna help me get an 'honorable discharge'?"
"Uncle Sam ain't the only one who wants you."

I agree, It could be nice...

2005-12-11T11:37:00.000-08:00

A few days ago, I recieved permission to edit the already wonderful vocal essay This could be such a wonderful civilization as found on www.fbesp.org/blog So I don't have much to report other than that I'm working on two different ideas at the time. I have to go before Denny comes home and sees that I'm on "his" computer. (rasberry) "his"...

the local priest came across Paddy who had stumbled out of the town tavern.
"Paddy," he said, " I'm afraid I'll not be seeing you in Heaven one day."
"Really, Father?" slurred Paddy. "What have you done?"

Christmas is racist and innefective!

2005-11-30T14:16:00.000-08:00

Have you ever notice that no one ever wishes you or hopes for a Black christmas? RACIST! also, here's a thought I had yesterday: how long have men been wishing each other peace on earth and goodwill toward each other? well, after about five minutes of "research" I decided to find out!

Christians have been wishing, hoping, even praying for peace on earth and goodwill toward one another for about 1669 years. since the seventeeth century, some 154 million people have been killed in acts of declarative war. Today there are an estimated 300 "armed conflicts presently being waged, most of the victims are "innocent" women and children.

well, at least christians can sleep soundly knowing that nearly 1700 years of prayer is effective.

this man just could not remember his wife's birthday and their anniversary. He opened an account with a florist, provided him with the dates and instructions to send flowers along with an appropriate note signed, "Your loving husband."
His wife was thrilled by this new display of attention and all went well until one day, many bouquets later, when he came home, kissed his wife and said offhandedly, "Nice flowers, honey. Where'd you get them?"

So Luke and I got into a lightsaber battle, and now I may get in trouble for it...

2005-11-27T08:45:00.000-08:00

yeah, it was like... five seconds long, but we got in trouble for it. I dunno, maybe it wasn't right, maybe we should have been working... but who amongst us hasn't fought with light sabers before? It can be addicting!

I've also been researching an english paper I have to write. the topic: prayer in public schools! yay! woo-hoo!

I don't have much else to say, so... here's some news...

WASHINGTON—President Bush announced today that he will sign a bill providing an additional
$2.8 billion for private organizations that emphasize the importance of hoping for change.
Bush presents his plan to fund organizations that hope for change.
"This bill acknowledges the immeasurable role of hope in envisioning a better world for everyone," Bush said during a press conference. "Starting today, I ask all Americans to hope together as one nation that the difficult problems that grip our nation will go away someday."

NEW YORK—
National Football League commissioner Paul Tagliabue announced Tuesday that, after over a decade without a football team, Los Angeles would become the home of all 32 NFL franchises by 2010.
"The league has met with Los Angeles city officials several times over the past few years in an attempt to bring a football team to the nation's second-largest market," Tagliabue said in a press conference held to unveil the NFL's realignment plan. "I'm happy to announce that we have finally reached a decision: Every single NFL team will be relocated to the Los Angeles metropolitan area over the next five years."

PYONGYANG, North Korea -- North Korean tyrant Kim Jong Il will do anything -- even promise to destroy his beloved nukes -- to perform on hit American TV show American Idol, say insiders. "Mr. Il has always been convinced he has the finest singing voice in the world," says a source close to the deranged dictator, who is notorious for ruthlessly running his country as a Stalinist police state.

why do our kids have to take the Iowa Test for Basic Skills? Why can't we have a Georgia Test of Basic Skills with questions like, "Bubba's got three cars and he done traded for two more. How many cement blocks is Bubba gonna need?"

I worked 11 hours yesterday...

2005-11-21T13:33:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, I went to work at 12:00pm. After about five minutes on the job, my manager Mark told me that he had fired another one of our co-workers: Kelly. With Kelly gone, I offered (foolishly) to stay and help out that night. Of course by the time we got out of there it was 11:30pm. Subtract :30min. for a lunch break, and I worked 11 hours yesterday. Now, I made nearly $80 yesterday in those 11 hours, but here's the real question: what else could I have done in those 11 hours? here's a list!

1. Kill a man! like 20 times with my bear hands
2. Apply and become rejected for a home loan
3. Watch Gone with the Wind like 2.5 times (although I'm not sure why I would)
4. Blog, like 20 times... maybe
5. work out, for like 5 hours
6. order a pizza
7. have some friends over
8. "hang out"
9. make a prank phone call
10. walk to Baraboo. Yeah, I'd walk to Baraboo. Do you know what's in Baraboo? The Circus World Museum. Who doesn't like the Circus? You Jerry? You bastard... F*CK*NG communist.

I don't have any other News to report, but check this site out:

www.shocktees.com

check out the film and logo shirts, some are cool... most are offensive

My Cell Phone Went Through the Wash

2005-11-20T08:04:00.000-08:00

Yeah, and now it won't work... Shit.

It wasn't even my cell phone, my parents bought it for me. I left it in my pants one night after work, and if I had been just an hour quicker... I could have stopped my mom from putting them through the wash. Now, my cell phone won't work and my parents will no doubt be pissed. (sigh) oh well. Just for fun, here's a list of other things that won't work when you put them through the wash.

1. Any electrical device (cell phone, television, microwave)

2. Siblings (especially those that can't swim)

3. Clothes that are dry clean only (you just can't machine wash 'em)

4. Relationships (giving her a bath doesn't make her any less of a tramp, just a clean one)

5. Self-Respect (for the same reasons as #4. You're still a whore, just a clean one)

6. pictures (never had one that came out quite the same as it went in. in some cases, that could be a good thing.)

7. Turkey Roast (trust me, while Tide promises to make colors disapear it won't make dark meat taste any whiter)

8. Books (then again, who reads?)

9. Steve (he never danced the same again...)

10. List of things (for the same reasons as #4&5, it doesn't make them good... just cleaner)

Anyway.... I can't say I have too much in the way of news, but here's this:

minutes before the cremation, the undertaker quietly sat down next to the grieving widow. "How old was your husband?" he asked.

"He was ninety-eight," she answered softly. "Two years oder than I am."

"Really?" the undertaker said. "Hardly worth going home, wouldn't you say?"

I don't get it, why can't I be nice?

2005-11-19T06:42:00.000-08:00

It seems like the majority of the time, when I try to do something nice, people think of it as an awkward gesture. Perhaps it's my general demeanor that keeps people at a safe distance. I have been told this: "Adam, you can be a nice person... when you want to be". The only problem is that when I want to be, people see it as something that shouldn't be. Have I really become such a cruel, hardened, emotionless individual that people won't accept kind gestures from me? Either way, I came to the conclusion last night that weither or not you are nice to people, some people are just ungreatful little assholes. So, to help you in your endevor of consideration, here's a list of things you can tell all those ungreatful little assholes:

1. "Fine, you don't want Jesus... We'll just see where you are when the rapture comes!"
2. "O.K., I'll take my H.I.V. somewhere else!"
3. (Scoff) "You're welcome..."
4. "BITCH!" (always a classic, and a personal favorite)
5. "You know, it's people like you that make me want to commit crimes against humanity"
6. "You're an ungreatful little asshole!"
7. "Well, if you don't like it... that's too danm bad!"
8. "I'd like to help you, but last time your indecent measures left me with the impression that you're a terrorist. And the last thing I want is the U.S. Government upset with me for aiding and abiding terrorists... so no, I won't give you a ride home.
9. (sigh) "can't you save yourself? I did it last time."
10. "Your Honer, I don't think anyone realizes how much crimes against humanity cost. My actions kept a third of the FBI, CIA, and NRA, employed for another two weeks... You're welcome..."

Here's some news:

Area Baby Doesn't Have Any Friends

TARRYTOWN, NY—Although he's had nearly three months to meet people, local baby Joshua Goldsworthy hasn't made a single friend, according to those who know him.

Friendless baby Joshua Goldsworthy spends another night alone.
People who have met the quiet, stay-at-home misfit say that, while he's more interesting than he was two months ago, Joshua lacks the warmth, charisma, and empathy of a suitable companion.

"It's not like I hate him—I just don't get a lot out of knowing him," said 32-year-old Gretchen Sperber, a longtime friend of the Goldsworthy family. "He's hard to read. Sometimes he'll stare at you for hours, other times he'll fall asleep right in front of you, like you're not even there."

Hubby sleeps with dead wife!

A devoted husband, not ready to accept that his soul mate had finally left him forever, slept with her dead body for five months in their home in Pontypridd, South Wales.
69-year-old ex-milkman Howard Lewis kept chatting about the weather and local gossip to his wife Elizabeth, who died aged 79 in June this year. He also slept in the same bed as her corpse gradually became "mummified".
However, outside his home Lewis kept up an appearance of normality by shopping and exchanging pleasantries with neighbours in his quiet tree-lined street.
One worried neighbour, after realising that she had not seen Mrs Lewis since the summer, finally informed the police, who went to the couple's terraced home, and found the body in their double bed.

CIA WANTS DR. PHILThat sly "How's that working for you?" grin gets 'em every time.

The CIA is so impressed by Dr. Phil's interrogation techniques they're interested in hiring him as a consultant. They've yet to interrogate the man himself, as they are still gathering information. "Watch his show," said a top CIA official. "He seems so homey and touchy-feely until it gets down to the nittygritty. His lectures to his guests are ball-breakers, and he always ends with, 'so what's it gonna be?' and they give it up. Instantly."

Here's a joke:

on the first day of school, a first grader handed his teacher a note from his mother. The not read, "The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents."

I think I want to be a cop...

2005-11-16T13:21:00.000-08:00

sorry, Mr. P. I don't have an image navigator or whatever you called it, I'll try again someday when I feel like I want to.

The important thing is this, I think I want to be a cop... for all the wrong reasons! Here's a list of things I'd do if I were a cop...

1. practice my own form of "affirmative inaction"
2. shoot myself(maybe in the foot) in order to avoid going to work
3. take out my anger on the inmates of the local jail/prison/detention
center
4. give someone(maybe Denny if I ever see him) a ticket for traveling
a simple one mile over the speed limit. "you're still speeding, aren't you now?"
5. taunt the prisoners. "well, I'm all done with my job, I think I'll go out and vote, or mayber I'll
go home and have a beer!"
6. lecture to children about the importance of staying in school, while at the same time crossing
my fingers hoping they'll commit a crime that I can arrest them and taunt them for the next 2
2-10 years.
7. help old people across the street... right into the assisted suicide clinic.
8. rescue kittens from trees... with my gun! "hey little girl, he's down isn't he?"
9. let all the cute looking women off with "warnings" while all the ugly girls get $5.00/pound for
a fine
10. say to at least one person: "dead or alive, you're comming with me." and then I'd shoot them, and be all like: "Huh, I guess you chose dead, didn't you?"

(sigh) Here's some news...

Redbook Reporter Refuses To Disclose Source Of Recipe

ATLANTA—A federal judge said Monday that magazine writer Nancy Steuber will be held in contempt of court if she continues to withhold the source of a recipe for maple-glazed ham published in Redbook magazine in February.

Animal Planet Reality Show To Put Bear, Antelope, Hawk, Cheetah In Same House

LOS ANGELES—Cable network Animal Planet announced its most ambitious foray into reality-TV programming yet Monday with The Zoo, a weekly, hourlong show in which members of a diverse, all-animal cast square off in a single 3,200-square-foot home in the San Fernando
Valley.

And here's a joke from this site

the Princeton Review says Indiana University is the number one party school. Most kids 18-22 adhere to a widely accepted philosophy of higher education. A keg is a terrible thing to waste.

WE SHOULD HANG OUT SOMETIME! (an explanation for the rest of us)

2005-11-04T08:31:00.000-08:00

So there's this guy in my english class whom I refer to as "Black Nick", because he's black and I already know a guy named nick. At first, BN introduced himself as a pretty interesting guy with similar interest to myself. The only problem as I soon found out was that, Black Nick is gay... and I'm not... But he doesn't seem to understand that. I won't get into the numerous details, but BN has repetedly creeped me out by the things he says and does. On one occasion, he put his hand on my shoulder and gently rocked me back and forth while looking at me "wierd" and saying: "we should hang out sometime". Now, how creepy would it be if someone just came up to you, grabbed you and shook you violently, and screamed: WE SHOULD HANG OUT SOMETIME! It would scare you shitless, it would. so, there you go, now you understand the joke... almost as funny as touching faces, it's: WE SHOULD HANG OUT SOMETIME!

Here's some news:

Man Sues Ex-Girlfriend Over Glue Attack

GREENSBURG, Pa. (AP) - A man claims his ex-girlfriend owes him more than $30,000 for gluing his genitals to his abdomen five years ago. "This was not just some petty domestic squabble," attorney Grey Pratt told a Westmoreland County jury Wednesday.
His client, Kenneth Slaby of Pittsburgh, is suing Gail O'Toole of Murrysville. His lawsuit claims the two broke up in 1999 after dating for 10 months and Slaby began dating someone else.
Slaby contends that O'Toole invited him over to her home on May 7, 2000, where he fell asleep. He woke up to find that O'Toole had used Super Glue to stick his genitals to his abdomen, glued his buttocks together and spelled out a profanity on his back in nail polish.

320 people arrested for sorcery

PORT MORESBY (Reuters) - Police in Papua New Guinea have arrested 320 people for practicing sorcery and religious cults, the National newspaper reported Thursday.
Belief in sorcery is widespread in this jungle-clad, mountainous South Pacific island nation where some villages only encountered Western civilization in the 1930s.
Police raided three villages Monday near the city of Lae on the north coast and arrested leaders of a "cargo cult" and their followers, the newspaper said. Those arrested were aged between 20 and 70.

NEW CEREAL HOOKS YOU!Breakfast treat contains heroin!

SAN FRANCISCO, Calif. -- A new cereal company is about to release the world's first breakfast cereal containing heroin! The Purple Haze Cereal Company has just announced the national rollout of new Junkie Flakes. Each box of the cereal contains crispy wheat and rice flakes, almonds, granola bits, raisins and two tablespoons of heroin extract. It will sell for approximately $125 per box.

FINAL THOUGHT:
You just can't make this stuff up folks... well, you can, but people won't buy it.

The Moonies

2005-11-03T08:04:00.000-08:00

The other day I went to school and met a moonie on my way.

Her name was Sarah, like all the rest, she wanted $20 for a seashell laiden crest.

I apologized and said I had no money, and she just laughed at me like I was being funny.

Finaly I asked: "what organization is this for?" to which she replied: "you're an F'ing WH*RE! but I'm with the Grand Unification Church."

"oh" I said. "Isn't that a cult?" and she was all like: "B*TCH, give me $20!" and I was all like "No!" and I rolled up my window, and she was all like "Ok, God Bless YOU!"

And that's how you piss off a moonie.... Here's some news:

Everything That Can Go Wrong Listed

FULLERTON, CA—A worldwide consortium of scientists, mathematicians, and philosophers is nearing the completion of the ambitious, decade-long project of cataloging everything that can go wrong, project leader Dr. Thomas R. Kress announced at a press conference Tuesday.

Here's that one kid who has his own show that's self titled. he sings a song called everything is gay

FINAL THOUGHT:

"Does this mean I'm gay too?"

Here's that meme thing...

2005-11-02T07:46:00.000-08:00

10 years ago it was 1995, and I was:
living in Madison. I was eight years old... doing eight year old things...

5 years ago it was 2000, and I was:
living in Sun Prairie. I was thirteen years old... it was actually the first year I got interested in politics, and decided I was a Democrat. Ah... Democracy...

1 year ago it was 2004, and I was:
Hoping I'd be able to attend MMI. Damn Communists! Always trying to keep me down! If I were rich, you wouldn't be able to stop me!

Yesterday I:
Went to the PAC, Watched The Shawshank Redemption, Went to an Anime Club meeting at school (we finished watching Comic Party... I didn't like it, but I havn't seen most of it), then I went to Best Buy and bought the third Volume of Gilgamesh (haven't finished it, but love it so far!)

5 Songs I know all the words to:
1. "I will survive" Cake's Version (don't ask why, I just do... so does Nick W.)
2. "Proud to be an American" Lee Greenwood
3. "Shame" Randy Newman
4. "God's song (that's why I love mankind)" Randy Newman
5. "Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star" c'mon... who doesn't know that one?

5 Things I would do with 100 million dollars:
1. Buy a house
2. Go to school
3. Buy as many media outlets as possible
4. Marry Amanda
5. Never Work again... unless I felt like it... or if I ever got board.... of not working... at all

5 places I would love to visit:
1. The final frontier, whatever that may be...
2. Cloud nine, the first eight were o.k., but I hear Nine has a foosball table!
3. Tokyo, Never been... always wanted to.
4. The President's toilet, I hear he had it re-made to look like france!
5. Home, they say that's where the heart is

5 things I would never wear:
1. A frog
2. Bell-bottom jeans
3. Military fatigues
4. A sandwich board reading "I love ExxonMobil CEO Lee R. Raymond"
5.Underpants made out of cheese

5 favorite TV shows:
1. Dragon Ball Z, Yeah... I'll admit it!
2. Nip/Tuck, I started watching for the sex... I still do, but now there's more to it!
3. Law and Order: SVU, You just can't beat character development like that!
4. Batman! the early 1990's cartoon version... simply the best!
5. Fox News Channel, Not a favorite... but I think it's interesting to hear what the right wingers have to say!

5 bad habits:
1. swearing (G*D D@MN!T ANYWAY
2. sinning, I should stop that...
3. judging others, especially amy...
4. being brutaly honest, sometimes it hurts...
5. pointing out other people's mistakes and ridiculing them for being so stupid, Here's lookin' at you Judy!

5 biggest joys:
(See Above List)

So there you have it... my meme... whatever the hell that means... (sniff) yeah... here's one, ONE news story...

Iraqi Constitution Ratified, Burned
BAGHDAD—The people of Iraq celebrated the passage of their new constitution Monday, in a formal ceremony that included a stirring speech by Iraqi President Jalal Talabani, a series of explosions that left 77 dead, and a traditional dance performed by Iraqi schoolchildren.
After many weeks of squabbling and protracted negotiations between Kurds, Sunnis, and Shiites, the historic document was declared the law of the land and destroyed...

FINAL THOUGHT
um... uh... (grabs you, shakes you violently) WE SHOULD HANG OUT SOMETIME!!!!!

It's been too long Internet... Denny just went back to work!

2005-10-30T11:38:00.000-08:00

As I mentioned earlier (like anyone listens anyway...) the number of posts on my site is linked to fact that Denny hardly ever goes to work! well, he's gone now, and I thought I might as well blog durring half time in the packers/bengles game. So, here's what's new...

1. my mom had surgery. She had some viens removed from one of her legs, and my family has spent the past week living off the charity of others.

2. (...) I finished that Anime I was watching. It was bittersweet with a hint of something I like to call... "Booyah!". Now all I have to do is finish Noir, luckily I found out what the word "soldats" means, so now half the series makes sense.

3. I'd just like to say that Michal Caine sucks as Batman. 'nough said.

Here's some news!

HOMELAND

WASHINGTON, DC—Responding to "a possible threat of terror and fright," Department of Homeland Security Secretary Michael Chertoff announced Monday that trick-or-treaters will be subject to random bag searches this Halloween season.

EDUCATION

WILLIAMSBURG, VA—In an unprecedented effort to fight injustice, reggae music legend Bob Marley, dead since 1981, rose from his grave in Jamaica early Sunday to free his most devoted followers, American college fraternity members, "from the bonds of oppression."

ROSA PARKS

MONTGOMERY, Alabama (AP) -- Hundreds of mourners, politicians and activists attended a memorial service Sunday for Rosa Parks, who inspired the civil rights movement by refusing to give up a seat on a city bus to a white man.
I was startled to hear that Mrs. Parks had died, but something bothers me. It's my understanding that black people weren't even allowed to sit next to, or even behind a white person on a segregated bus. I was always told that Rosa Parks didn't refuse to move for a white man, but that she refused to move so a white man could have three empty seats around him. huh, something to think about I guess.

FINAL THOUGHT

(grabs you, shakes you violently) "WE SHOULD HANG OUT SOMETIME!"
(I'll explain later)

I'll be watching Anime, all... day...

2005-10-14T06:35:00.000-07:00

That's right, today's the day I get paid! I'm finally going to have enough money to buy all the anime I've wanted for a while (yay!) I'll keep this post short, because I want to go get my anime, but I've found a few cool things that I thought were worth mentioning.

ANIME

(..............)

Ya know what? Anime ROCKS! I'm sorry folks, but I really need to go get my ani-crack

but hey, check this out:

http://www.tshirthell.com

It's a pretty funny site with some interesting t-shirts for sale. Be forwarned, the site is most definatly for a mature audience. some of you may care, some don't, but if you're offended easily, don't visit the site. (anime, anime, I need my anime........)

Dag-Nabbit! I didn't win the Lottery!

2005-10-13T08:20:00.001-07:00

This is not my picture. I did not win the lottery. I am not a millionaire.
I am a loser. I'm not a winner. I'm not a millionaire.
I don't have $290 million. I don't even have $20.00. I only have $17.59 to my name, which apparently, isn't worth even $20.00. I suck.

But I do know this: the estimated powerball jackpot for saturday Oct. 15th is $290,000,000. This time I'm sure I'll win!

And even though I'm sure Tristan doesn't want to hear it, here's some News:

THE WHITE HOUSE

Bush To Appoint Someone To Be In Charge Of Country
October 12, 2005 Issue 41•41

WASHINGTON, DC—In response to increasing criticism of his handling of the war in Iraq and the disaster in the Gulf Coast, as well as other issues, such as Social Security reform, the national deficit, and rising gas prices, President Bush is expected to appoint someone to run the U.S. as soon as Friday.

HELL

Report: 92 Percent Of Souls In Hell There On Drug Charges
October 12, 2005 Issue 41•41
HELL—A report released Monday by the Afterlife Civil Liberties Union indicates that nine out of 10 souls currently serving in Hell were condemned on drug-related sins.

INTELLIGENT DESIGN

Evangelical Scientists Refute Gravity With New 'Intelligent Falling' Theory
KANSAS CITY, KS—As the debate over the teaching of evolution in public schools continues, a new controversy over the science curriculum arose Monday in this embattled Midwestern state. Scientists from the Evangelical Center For Faith-Based Reasoning are now asserting that the long-held "theory of gravity" is flawed, and they have responded to it with a new theory of Intelligent Falling.

you know how people have a habbit of asking what you'd do with a million dollars? but they never expect you to have a million dollars. well, if I had a million dollars, I'd walk up to everyone who had ever asked me what I'd do with it and say: "This is what I'd do..." and then I'd punch 'em in the face! "That's what I'd do with a million dollars! What now Be-otch? What? What? say somethin'!" and they'd be all like "no, that's ok, we can settle this outside of court" and I'd be all like "that's right! Bitch!" Then I'd buy a store, like a groccery store or something, and I'd work there. but I'd spend all day just pissing people off! someone would come up to me and be like: "hey, do you have rice crispies?" and I'd be like: "Back off! I'm a millionaire! I don't have to show you shit! now get up out my store!" Amazingly, if I were a millionaire, I guess what I'd really do is pretend to be gansta...

This guy just looks so... EVIL!

2005-10-12T08:28:00.000-07:00

That's the only explanation, he's got to be evil. I mean, look at him... so menacing! Can you guess who he is? Give up? Well that's o.k., I don't know who he is either. But if I ever saw this man on the street, I wouldn't talk to him, and he wouldn't talk to me either.

I've taken up the recreational activity of walking as a form of exercise. I have come to the saddening conclusion that people are evil. That, or no one in society trusts anyone and we're all antisocial bastards!

Looking at it from another point of view, if I were walking down the street and saw another 18 year old listening to music, my first thought would be: "he's young and listening to music... he must be in a gang"! But people just aren't friendly anymore! where's the spirit of social interaction, why don't people stop to say hello anymore? (sigh)...

IN OTHER NEWS

I heard yesterday, as most everyone I know did, that another young man commited suicide this past weekend. I can only repeat the rumors I've heard, so don't count on me to be accurate. I know this:
1. Boy, who's name I believe is Shmidt, attended Patrick Marsh Middle School in Sun Prarie.
2. I was told he shot himself with a shotgun because he recieved an F on a progress report.
That's all I know, but it certainly won't stop people from talking about it.

AND THIS...

Wednesday, October 12, 2005; Posted: 11:18 a.m. EDT (15:18 GMT)
DAMASCUS, Syria (CNN) -- Syria's interior minister, who was head of the country's military intelligence in neighboring Lebanon for nearly 20 years, has committed suicide, officials said.

Ghazi Kanaan's death was reported Wednesday, days before the expected release of a United Nations report into the assassination of former Lebanese Prime Minister Rafik Hariri, a prominent opponent of Syria's presence in Lebanon.

It's just goes to show you that no one is above the mortality of human life.

Lord if you won't take care of us, won't you please, please let us be...

2005-10-10T10:46:00.000-07:00

Today is a new day, Internet. A new Monday filled with more news of unspeakable disasters and rising death tolls. what a glorious world we live in, huh?

ASIA

Government, police and hospital officials estimated Pakistan's death toll at 30,000 but said that number was sure to rise.

Pakistan isn't the only country to feel the effects of Saturday's earthquake, just the hardest hit. All of asia is being effected, and...

Late Sunday, the White House announced the United States would provide initial aid of up to $50 million for reconstruction and relief efforts in Pakistan.

EASTERN U.S.

KEENE, New Hampshire (AP) -- Prolonged, heavy rain caused flooding from North Carolina to New Hampshire over the weekend, forcing hundreds of people to evacuate, knocking out electricity, weakening dams and making roads impassable.

As if two hurricanes along the gulf coast weren't enough, God has now blessed us with widespread flooding! Unfortunately, there's no word on how much(or little) the government is giving in aid

NEW ORLEANS

NEW ORLEANS, Louisiana (AP) -- Three New Orleans police officers pleaded not guilty Monday to battery charges based on a videotape showing two patrolmen repeatedly punching a 64-year-old man accused of public intoxication and a third officer grabbing and shoving an Associated Press Television News producer who helped capture the confrontation on tape.

Yes, Virginia, he was a black man...

Davis, who is black, was subdued at the intersection of Conti and Bourbon streets. Three of the officers appeared to be white, and the other is light skinned. The officer who hit Matthews is white. Defillo said race was not an issue.

ON A LIGHTER NOTE...

ESPN Courts Female Viewers With World's Emotionally Strongest Man Competition
September 29, 2005 Issue 41•39 Onion Sports

BRISTOL, CT—Sports broadcasting giant ESPN, whose programming has long been a staple among male television viewers of all ages, made its first foray into women's sports programming with the introduction of the World's Emotionally Strongest Man Competition Monday.

With that, I'll leave you with this...

"If we choose, we can live in a world of comforting illusion. " - Noam Chomsky

#of posts=whether or not Denny goes to work

2005-10-08T17:50:00.000-07:00

It's official! I've now reached a point in my life where I work more than Denny does! I came home today after working from 8am-330pm, Denny was still asleep when I left, and he asked me where I had been all day. I smiled, and said: "I went to work today."

Well, it's kind of late tonight, and I'm rather tired. I simply thought I might explain why I may/may not post too often. The number of posts on my blog is directly proportionate to wheather or not Denny goes to work.

I'll leave you all with an interesting thought:

"The hardest thing to do in life is say goodbye. what's harder still, is knowing that moment is comming and having to say hello once more before then."

Sweet dreams, my fair Internet! (insert witty comment here)

So Jamie get's an Ipod, and I Burn my hand....

2005-10-05T13:15:00.000-07:00

Yeah, that's right. My sister jamie turned fifteen today and her father thought it would be a good idea to get her one of those new Ipod nano's. I can't even remember what my parents got me on my fifteetnth birthday, but it wasn't a $200.00 Ipod nano! Comming from a family with six children, two mortgages, and a pile of credit card debt.... NO child has ever, EVER had $200.00 spent on them for a birthday! It's outragous! $200.00 is the spending cap my parents use per child for christmas, not birthdays! And of course, being the 15 year old girl she is, it's no wonder she want's to fill her Ipod with crapy music! But it's not all bad, you see in order to put music onto an Ipod, you need a computer. Jamie doesn't have a computer, so she'll be using mine.... wait, that's any better either.

So my family and I were eating dinner yesterday, and my mother had microwaved some frozen corn. When the corn was finished cooking, it was my duty to go upstairs and retrieve it from the microwave. Of course, my mother had also asked my to stir in some butter, so when I pulled back the plastic wrap... steam shot out and burned my hand!

On another note, Denny still hasn't gotten rid of his old truck, so he's been parking in his (my) parking spot by the curb outside our house. that parking spot has been mine since i first bought my car, and now he's taking it away from me because he's lazy.
Denny broke his hand almost a week ago, and so now, he needs to park closer to the house: "so I don't have to walk as far with my broken hand." WHAT?
No, that's what he said. he needs to park closer (taking my spot away) because he can't walk too far with a broken hand!

It's been an interesting two days since my first post, and I've been thinking quite a bit. As such, rather than ending my posts with a time wasting link to a flash site, or by telling you what music I'm listening to today (Randy Newman) , I've decided that I'll try to end each post with a 'thought of the day'. So, here's today's:

As I was leaving for school today, my mother was talking on the phone with one of her deeply religous friends. Before walking out the door, I heard my mom say: "well, remember God made us all in his own image". If that's true, that means that every person in the world looks like God, and God looks like every person on earth. Imagine how freaked out you would be if, when you die, you get to heaven... and God looks like you.

Farewell my sweet internet, please continue to provide us with a constant source of Fair, Balanced, and Accurate information! (yeah, information)

FIRST POST (The Quintessential One)

2005-10-03T15:57:00.000-07:00

Hello Internet!

This is my first post, on my first (actually second) blog, on the first monday in October! that's reason to celebrate! (celebrate at your own free will)

My Name's Adam, and as of today... I'm a blogger. I've never understood why someone might blog, there are many reasons: political/social agenda, bordem, school assignment, lack of tangible friends....

anyway, I graduated from highschool last June and have yet to find anything usefull to do with my time (aside from work and college). So now i'll be bloggin' when I can, or just whenever i've got anything to say.

For your own information, here's a list of people I may make refrence to in my blogs. These people are friends, Family members, and people I know. anyone not mentioned on this list will be mentioned accordingly, and is most likely not on the list because i don't care about them. anyone who is on the list... knows why

FAMILY----

Adam - self
Robin - mother
Denny - stepfather
John - brother
Eric - half brother
David - half brother
Christine - stepsister
Megan - stepsister
Jamie - half sister
Elizabeth - half sister
Samantha - half sister
*I also have three Aunts, each with their own families...

FRIENDS---

Eric S. Piotrowski http://www.fbesp.org/blog
Amanda P.
Beth S.
Kim S.
Tristan H.
Nick W.
Adam R.

Well, there are just a few. I'm sure I'll mention co-workers, other friends, and any other family members I might have. Check in Later, I'm sure i'll have something worth reading. you can leave comments if you like, or feel free to e-mail me at rhapsodist18@yahoo.com

Farewell my sweet Internet, may all your downloads be quick and virus free...